Football Jokes
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A ventriloquist was
working in Grimsby and during his show, a man stands up
and yells:
"Hey you on stage! You've been making remarks about
us locals being stupid all night long! We're not all
stupid, ya know!"
"Relax," says the ventriloquist. "They're
just jokes!"
"I'm not talking to you, sir," the local
replies. "I'm talking to that ugly little guy
sitting on your knee!"
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A group of
Catholic priests were due to play a group of Rabbis in an
important interfaith game. A few days before the match,
disaster struck. The Catholic team's star player broke
his ankle and the doctor said he wouldn't be able to play
again for at least two months.
"What are we going to do? moaned Father Durnford.
"Well," said Father Thomas, "it so happens
that Alan Shearer is a good friend of mine. We could ask
him to play for us."
"But that wouldn't be ethical, now would it?"
said Father Durnford.
"No, but if we called him Father Shearer, no one
need know," replied Father Thomas.
Eventually Father Durnford agreed to let this devious
plan go ahead but then, as luck would have it, he was
suddenly called away on official Church business and was
unable to watch the match. As soon as he could, he phoned
Father Thomas for the result.
"I'm afraid they beat us, five-one," said
Father Thomas.
"But how could that happen?" queried Father
Durnford. "We had Father Shearer in our team."
"Yes," said Father Thomas, "but they had
Rabbi Beckham and Rabbi Zidane playing for them."
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The seven
dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Scunthorpe
United are good enough to win promotion!"
Snow White sighs "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
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